We Are Scientists

We Are Scientists, a.k.a. “W.A.S”,
Comprises Keith Murray, guitar and lead vocals; and Chris Cain, bass guitar and backing vocals

Generating rock music of the thoughtful, sometimes epic, often loud, vaguely danceable, implicitly humanist variety.
Begun in Berkeley in A.D. 2000,
They moved to New York in 2001,
Have issued four albums since then, with one on the way,
Performed constantly across America and Europe,
And written the following short play:
“That was awesome.” “I… I’ve got class early…” “Oh, uh…” “Should you… get dressed?” “Yeah, uh… I like this song. Who is it?” “We Are Scientists. You’re shitting me, you don’t know We Are Scientists?” “I– I think so. It’s great!” “They’re absolute legends. I can’t believe you don’t know them.” “No, uh… I mean, it sounds familiar. I’ve definitely heard them.” “This is the new album, ‘Helter Seltzer.’ So. Fucking. Good.” “Oh, yeah! Helter… Helter Seltzer?” “Yah, like ‘helter skelter’ but with seltzer? It’s actually a perfect description of them because they do this really dramatic music, but always with a light touch, you know? It could actually be the name of their genre.” “I could see that, yeah.” “I actually had to look up the word ‘seltzer’ — we don’t have it here.” “You don’t have seltzer? Ah, man. This is gonna be a long semester. That’s like my favorite drink. Water plus bubbles, y’know? Seriously so refreshing.” “Um… okay.” “Oh, but so, but so, this is their first record, huh?” “Their–? NO! I thought you’d heard of them!” “No, I have! So, they’re not new?” “Compared to The Rolling Stones, yes. This is only their fifth record, so yah, total baby-band.” “Whoa! How old are they?” “I suppose they can’t be that young — they’ve been around since 2005. But they look twenty-two. Very handsome.” “[laughs] Should I be jealous?” “No point in that. I’d trade up without hesitating.” “Hey now…” “They’re also intelligent and funny. And rock stars. Full package, really.” “‘Rock stars’ might be a strong term…” “They’ve played Jools Holland. And the big stage at Glastonbury, and Reading & Leeds, and T in the Park. They’ve sold out Brixton Plaza.” “Uh… did you just make up a bunch of words and try to use them as evidence?” “David Letterman! Coachella!” “Okay, definitely more familiar. Wait, so how big are they here?” “Well, their first album, With Love & Squalor, sold a hundred and fifty thousand copies.” “Is that a lot?” “That’s gold! It’s one for every man, woman and child!” “Wait, the population of England is a hundred and fifty thousand?” “Twat. It’s hyperbole.” “I love that you just called me a twat.” “Is it a compliment in America? It isn’t really here.” “[laughs]” “I was on holiday in Madrid once, and I saw them supporting R.E.M.? They blew them off the stage.” “Man, R.E.M.… now there’s a great band.” “Of course. That’s why it’s significant. I wouldn’t tell you about seeing them blow Good Charlotte off the stage.” “Right. Hey, this was fun, we should totally–” “And what’s amazing about this new album, Helter Seltzer, is that they made it with Katy Perry’s keyboard player, so it’s got all this great poppy synthesizer on it, and drum samples, but still with those amazing Scientist melodies. I think it’s my favorite one yet, which is crazy if you think about it.” “Oh. Well, what are you doing this week? Should we get together again? Maybe tomorrow?” “I mean, he was Katy Perry’s keyboardist for three years, this guy Max Hart, but before that? He was the Scientist’s keyboardist. That’s the thing, they always work with their friends. Like Chris Coady, who mixed this album? He produced the last album, TV en Français.” “TV…on…” “And their first three albums were all produced by Ariel Rechtshaid, who’s now like this hot-shit super-producer of Vampire Weekend and Usher.” “Oh. Man, you know a lot about We Are Scientists. I mean, I do, too, but–” “What I actually love the most is their videos. So hilarious. Every one is like this crazy, weird concept that no other band would do. It’s like, if you’re a band, and you have money to make a video, don’t just make some boring thing where you stumble around on a beach pretending to sing.” “I know, right?” “Plus they make hilarious comedy videos, basically for no reason. Have you ever seen their Instagram?” “Uh, I think so. It’s all those pictures of, of like–” “They do these short videos on it? They’re amazing. So funny.” “Right! Yeah, I think I’ve seen those.” “But the absolute best is their concerts. God, I’ve seen them about twenty times.” “Whoa. Twenty? That’s like how many times I’ve seen baseball.” “Such amazing songs, and it’s so unpredictable. Like things are always breaking, or somebody climbs on top of something, or Keith comes down in the audience, or Chris plays half the show in the audience.” “Huh.” “And between songs they always have a big chat, and it’s hilarious.” “Right.” “And different every time! Not memorized. Which is why I’m completely gutted.” “You’re… what do you mean?” “Well they’re playing in a week, aren’t they? But the show’s sold out and I didn’t get a ticket because I was at my stupid brother’s wedding.” “That’s cool about your brother. Congratulations.” “It’s fucked. I wish I didn’t have a brother. The wedding was nice and all, but I wish I’d respectfully not attended and reserved a bloody We Are Scientists ticket, you know?” “I guess, yeah.” “I suppose I’ll just stand outside Koko and try to mug someone.” “Uh… Koko?” “Yah, Koko. Why? What?” “Uh… well, that’s my cousin’s venue. He’s the manager there. That’s, like — that’s who I’m staying with. I live in his apartment. His flat.” “You’re living with the manager of Koko.” “Yeah, he’s my cousin. Tim.” “Tim. So… yes.”“Yes?” “Yes, I’m free tomorrow night.” “Oh! Ha. Great, should I just–” “Let’s meet at yours. At Tim’s.” “Um, okay. Sure! I’ll… I’ll text you the address.” “Fantastic. It was so nice to meet you… um… Felix?” “Alex.” “Alex! Right. And I’m Alice. That’s the joke.” “Yeah. Yeah, Alex and Alice.” “Right. Sorry, Alex. Look, this has been… awesome. I’m really looking forward to tomorrow night.” “Yeah, uh… yeah, me, too.”